Mind Over Mattering

why do people act so surprised when you contact them out of the blue for no valid reason?

i wonder what it would be like to join the mile high club...probably not all that it is cracked up to be. i mean, why would sex in an airline lavatory be any better than sex on the ground? is there enough of an oxygen difference to make it better or something? doubtful! i just dun get it...perhaps i need to try it to know what is so good about it or something...

/me waves to his dad who will probably read this sometime...dun be so serious all the time. relax and enjoy the scenery, right fritz? err...zirft...

is it really too much to ask for some kind of live female attention on your birthday? or even the few days following? or does everyone end up being present as one of their friends ends up makin out with someone who is not their current g/f while they are being all depressed?

Is it too much to ask for someone to give me a lap dance on my birthday while singing "happy birthday, mister president..."

Spiritual Suicide

Shooting pain, facing death

stare it down, feel its breath

icy hot, searing cold

lies and pain and fear untold

unknown anger, senseless pain

drilling, driving, spinning insane

eternal dark, endless night

turn in rage, run in fright

escape, escape - nowhere to run

on your temple feel the gun

eternal damnation, eternal life

one is the other, stabbing knife

bouncing back, spinning in time

no end but death, never mine

blood red streak, no voice to speak

reaper's come to cull the weak

black unknown, home sweet home

sweetest embrace you've ever known

release from this, clench your fist

gone from this life, you're never missed

-author unknown

Christmas Blunders?

why do people take so long to do their shopping? why do they need to go out like 15 times to do the things i just did in a lil less than an hour? it just makes no sense. they go out on the weekends (even those that don't work!) and deal with all the crowds just to get really pissed off and annoyed. i went to one store, found all the stuff i needed, and left with relative ease. there was a very short line, and i didn't exactly know what i wanted when i got there. so i even had to think. if i had known what i wanted, i would have been there for like 15 minutes. it just makes no sense! why do people voluntarily put themselves into situations that they can so easily avoid, knowing full well that they will get aggraveted and want to go on a killing spree? i mean, it is 4 days til christmas, and i was in and out of the store in an hour! there is no way i would go on saturday, because i like what little bit of sanity i have left. the one thing they didn't have (it must have been sold out, but i didn't ask if they had it in the back. oops) i can order online directly to the persons house! i actually almost did all of my shopping online anyways. i don't like stores. but i decided i had probably started a bit too late to actually be able to order from like amazon.com or some other place like that online. the christmas season can be so peaceful and relaxing if you do it right. instead of dealing with people for weeks and weeks trying to do a minimum amount of things in a maximum amount of time, i finish it all in an hour and can just sit back, relax, and look at the snow. go to the bar with friends, old and new. just enjoy the season for all it can be. i am this calm and serene, and i just finished finals. so noone can say i am out of my mind for waiting til now to even start shopping. i am just laughing at all those that have spent so long being stressed. they may criticize me, but i think i have gotten the better end of the deal here! as always, all for and against arguments, no matter how misconstrued, may be posted on my forum :) thanks

i hate bad news. i really do. there is nothing worse than bad news when you are actually kinda upbeat for once in your life. can't really get into this one on here though. suffice it to say i want to be anywhere but here right now. and i am not looking forward to the future. i just want to graduate, and find a job right away that i love. right now my thoughts are really too muddled to say much about this situation. i will probably discuss it with some of those that already have some of the background info. just too many things to think about. irrelevent to many. i just want to disappear into the wilderness, and return 8 years later having had no human contact. i don't think i could survive without email, though. just think of all the piled up email i would have after that length of time! that would probably take me at least another year to sift through it all and read it. maybe i will just get a satellite phone that gets charged to someone else, and a solar recharger for my laptop, and just go into the desert. and a credit card to someone else, that i don't have to pay. get food delievered, and buy anything i need online. yeah, that's it! either that, or i need to con someone into paying for stuff to prove that you can live for long periods of time without leaving your house for anything. that would be really cool. there must be someone stupid enough to want to see me live for 10 years without going out of my house except to like get my real mail and stuffs. we shall see. must find someone....maybe bill gates is stupid....he has the money right now. or maybe michael jordan...hmmmm....

It became chilly again today. Went out to my car this morning and the windows were all dewed over. So I let my warm up for a little bit. I took off for school and realized as I pulled into the parking lot that the temperature guage was still bottomed out. That explains why my defrost was not putting out warm air. I am expecting that it will warm up a bit before the day is out. Not much is planned today except a meeting for soccer. I am taking over the team for this semester since I don't plan on playing at all. Tonight, at least from last that I heard, there is a group of us all heading out to Datil for steak tonight. Hopefully I won't have to drive for a couple of reasons. My car has been acting funny and I expect to have some form of alcohol tonight. And I don't desire to drive back an hour with a beer in my system. Carolyn and I also desire to find the movie Willow this weekend.

Upon reflection of my past, I have come to realize that even though it wasn't easy I still have many things to be happy about. I am planning on putting up yet another page on my website dedicated to all of my friends. I will write a short paragraph about all of them in the hopes of letting them know what they mean to me. This will take on parts of my links page as well. Hopefully I will include everyone in a short period of time, but knowing how fuzzy my mind can be I might not have some people up right away. Knowing that anyone who reads my site is probably my friend, unless you did a search for suicide and got a hit on my site (you might be surprised how often this has actually happened!) I ask you to email me or post on my forum to keep me motivated on getting this all up and running smoothly. I am just hoping that this doesn't end up looking like myself tying up loose ends on the path to suicide. Any of y'all that I have ever discussed suicide with know my general thoughts on suicide. Suicide is bad. Telling your friends what they have meant to you at different point is your life? Priceless. Of course, this is being done with the knowledge that a portion of the people to be mentioned will ever see this. I hope that some day everyone that I add does see this, and I plan on keeping it all up to date. Sort of a directory of my friends. I also shall be doing this with the knowledge that it may in the future get me in trouble with any number of peoples.

The Dilema

The problem is the social life. I think I may have partially figured it out. Or at least the correlation with my grades. My freshmen and sophomore years, I had a girlfriend that was back in Illinois. Since she was at home, I was still in practice single with no desire to find anyone down here. During those two years I had grades that were fairly good. My third year down here, the girlfriend came down here for school. The put me out of the desire free single state and into the "real" dating scene. I had no privacy left to do my thinking. Things deteriorated rapidly, and the breakup happened shortly after Christmas. My semester GPA was about half that of the previous semester. Academic probation ensued, and I was diagnosed with depression. That next semester, I had to deal with the ex, a broken foot, and entering back into the search phase This is obviously not a good combination, and my grades stayed down. So this summer, I went on a introspective soul-searching trip around the country. I guess that this worked as so far my grades are doing alright. We shall see by the end of the semester, though. Now, the dilema is that the dating scene is still up in the air. I do not see any way that I can get back the state of affairs from the first two years,, other than another long distance relationship. That is not exactly a prospect I find desireable. The goal I have is to try and find a way I can get that kind of feeling back and not kill the academic chances this year. This will be tricky, especially since I have been starting to lose my motivation again. Not that I ever have much, but I can't afford another 1.50 GPA. I think I need not necessarily a new girlfriend, but just a good influence in my life that will help more to keep me on track.

Song in head-"Hooked On A Feeling"

Yet another trippy day in Hades. I'm just wondering when we began talking about time and space in geophysics. I would have thought that geophysics would be a little more geo and less physics. If I wanted to be taking a pure physics class, I would be doing so. On the lighter side, I thought I heard someone in my yard this morning, and when I looked out I saw one of the most beautiful rainbows I've seen in years. According to Carolyn, the purples and violets at the bottom could be seen quite clearly. I think the person I had heard ended up being someone walking down the road. Later tonight I am heading to the Creed/Collective Soul concert with Carolyn, Patty, Sam, Maria, Mel, and I think someone named Nathan. Should be an enjoyable evening of music, although I haven't actually heard anything by either band in quite some time. Or at least not that I remember. I'll have to be sure and bring my field notebook to take down notes and thoughts for the night. We shall see, though.

Just what do I want? And just what am I doing? Where is the focus in my life. I'm killing off foundering relationships, not caring about classes, and have already considered dropping out for the semester even though I am not doing all that badly. I need some kind of anchor in my crazy world...<snip>...I don't really think she will, but you never know until you try. But then, at this point in time I am not even sure if that is what I want. My mind has been in such a jumble as it is. And since I haven't exactly had the greatest success with women in the past, I am not so sure that I really need someone right now. Or at least not that I should really be out hunting for. Hell, I am still somewhat interested in one of my friends from highschool even though she has really pissed me off recently. She blew me off all summer, and it would have been really nice to have spent some time talking to her about life. Perhaps at times I am a little too much of a romantic. I tend to think that life is like a fairy tale, and everyone that isn't the villian will just end up living happily ever after. Deep inside I know that is a false desire that cannot be achieved, but perhaps my dreams are just too high. My life will not be perfect, as I am not perfect.

I really need to stop leaving my bag out in my car now that it is starting to get cold. I also need to start doing my homework. Going on the knowledge that my MATE homework wouldn't take all that long, I decided to put it off until this morning. When I woke up, I realized that my book was over in Carolyn's room. She did not acknowledge my messages before I had to leave for class. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't already missed like half of the work in that class. For being my lowest level class it sure is causing me a lot of problems. Without remembering what was going to go on today, I almost decided to skip class. I just now realized that Inal is gone today, and we will have a one-page paper due over the lecture today. And I am actually planning on taking notes today as well. It shoudln't be too hard to get a page long summmary done. On the lesser side, the improved teacher didn't test the overhead before deciding to use it, and is going over to another building to see if there is an open room there. I really do not feel like dealing with this. I'm sick of papers, sick of lectures, and sick of school. I really need to graduate already. On the upside, I am starting to not hate my house as much. It is starting to get comfotable finally. My sleeping accomodations still suck, though If only I could get rid of Stee the place might be just about perfect It's been nice that as of late people haven't just been dropping in at our place like they have in the past. Lecture time......

In the chill of the night

It is now getting into fall. I have a few other ramblings that I have yet to put up on my site. They are tucked away in my backpack posing as notes for my geology classes. I think there is like two or three of em in there. But tonight I am putting it all directly from my brain to electrons passing through cyberspace. Just what is the logic behind holding a seance? I mean, they tend to cause more problems than they solve. Especially if your ghost is a nice one. I mean, why take the chance of pissing the thing off if it is doing you no harm? For example, a friend of mine and a few of her friends had one tonight. They think it is a good ghost, but they go in and risk upsetting it just to be able to say that they had a seance. I'm really not seeing any logic in this, and I believe that they put too much on the line doing this. I doubt that any of them really knew what they were doing. They probably had no wards up of any kind, and ran the risk of calling forth some fairly horrible little things. This is not a good idea no matter how you look at it. I mean, this type of thing is of some interest to me, but there is no way I would try it. Especially not here in Socorro, NM. There is no really good karma down here, and there have been warnings from outside sources against any attempts at it. I most definitly respect these concerns. Never mess with those things that you do not know how to control. And the person I would most likely have a seance with is the person that has warned me against having one down here. So therefore I see it as a legitimate concern with the karma in the area. Perhaps some day I will experience a seance, but untill that day I will not rush anything, and I will do my research on the subject. Never put yourself into something that you can not hope to control or understand.

Your basic questions

Just how disillusioned can a person get? And just what has to be done to get certain people to pay attention to you? All I want is some basic acknowledgement at time, yet when I try and get it I end up feeling as if I am just flat out annoying the person. I've been blown off by so many people tonight it's not even funny. Granted it has been recipricated to someone else for the time being, but who really gives a shit. I mean, it's not as if I don't have reasons for most of what I do. Just, why does this person show absolutely no interest in me? It seems as if she doesn't even return the friendship I hold with her half the time. It is starting to really piss me off. For whatever reasons, mostly because it was on, I watched How Stella Got Her Groove Back tonight. I think I need to get my groove back. Just not quite like it happens in the movie. The mojo needs to get flowing. I just need a good influence in my life, and it ain't happing for me. This is probably getting old to the one person that might eventually realize this is here, as I have been ranting and raving about anything and everything today. Tough. If you didn't want to read me going off about stuff, you shouldn't have gone to this page. It happens. Deal with it. My only real problem is that I don't feel like most of the people I consider to be pretty good friends even want me in their presence anymore. That just slightly takes away from a guys self-esteem. You know what I mean? I think it is about time to start planning my hermit-hood again. I wonder what state I will decide I should go to this time. Perhaps I will just aimlessly wander for the rest of my unnatural life. For all practical purposes, and depending on how you look at it, I should have either been dead the day I was born or we are all just walking dead until the time comes that we move onto something that is worse, better, or just the bloody same. And so what if some stupid Aussies told me that Americans shouldn't be allowed to say bloody or mate. I'll do whatever I bloody well please, mate! Don't you blokes get it? Anyone out there can do whatever they bloody want to as long is it doesn't infringe on someone elses joy in life.

Nues Ardentes-(written in Igneous Petrology)

What is this world coming to? My best friend from highschool, who is a fellow Eagle Scout, just got out on parole. He was in for statutory rape. A 15 year old girl. I can't remember what state it was anymore, but I think it was Alabama. On top of that, he is back to somewhat stalking one of his ex-girlfriends. This friend of mine has an attention problem, as well as depression. I was the only person that used to be able to keep him calm when we were younger. He has also been charged for attacking his mother, and for vehicular assault. At least I have control over my temper most of the time. It kind of frightens me that I have since been diagnosed with some of the same mental problems as he was. Perhaps that is the reason we got along so well as kids, and I was able to keep him under control. I just keep thinking about how good fo friends we used to be, and how much he changed when women moved into his life. He has gone through "bi-sexual" stages, although I never really heard about it until afterwords. His first two real girlfriends were both quite strange. They were both probably at least as messed up as he is. As far as I know, none of his relations have ever been able to keep his temper under control. His mother was no better. She was definitly not any better. She was the person I most often saw his temper flare up on. She refused to let him become independent. If he did something she didn't like, she would threaten to take away his medications. Is it just me, or is that the worst thing to do if someone is already unstable? It is still very difficult to think that an Eagle Scout has strayed that far from his honour.

Pondering in BFE (Catron County, NM)

What is life? What is death? Can you still be "living" but in truth be dead to the joys of life? I feel that even though I am physically alive and functioning, I am in truth dead to life. I can no longer feel the thrill and excitement that I had in my relative youth. Can this joy of living be regained, or will I feel like this for what I assume to be the rest of a long life? This weekend (Labor Day, 2000,) I am doing many things that I used to really enjoy. I used to be able to learn things from my grandfather Miller, and enjoy doing so. For whatever reasons, life to me now is very surreal. Nothing seems to make any sense. It's like I am living someone elses life, but that I am not in control of anything. When I talk, conversations die. Are my thoughts really all that obscure and boring? Right now I sit atop a hill, overlooking the VLA. I sit by myself, as noone seems to usually want me around unless they need some help figuring out what the geological processes acting in an area were/are. Perhaps that is all that I am truely good for. My knees have ended my living, and now I am a used up source of life. there must be some way to recharge that youthfullness.

ARGH!!!

can i do nothing right in my life? do i end up fucking up everything good in my life? i should really just become a hermit and not deal with society ever again. who would really care. it would probably take a while for people to even notice i wasn't around anymore. things start to look up in my life, and then everything just comes crashing down around my head. i'll be really happy one day, then the next i am just as depressed and upset with myself as normal. and i cannot blame this on school, cause i already know what my grades were. i knew that almost a week ago now. i seriously think it took that long for it to sink in. hell, i knew i was going to be retaking structural after that second test. who the hell knows anymore. i sure don't. i just want to actually be happy the rest of the summer. if i can do that, i should have no problems come fall. or maybe i should just disappear from society now, and not worry about it again. write computer viruses on my computer, and send them out to microsoft users. yeah, that is what i should do. of course, that would involve actually learning how to program, and i could care less right now. i don't want to learn anything. i just want to learn how to have fun again. is that learning, or remembering? i guess i am just really upset with myself and depressed right now. the pertinent people should know why. if you don't know why, don't worry about it cause you didn't cause it. yeah, that's right. don't worry about miserable little me. there is only one sound i would like to hear right now, and i seriously doubt that i will. there is still a chance though, i guess. but then i am no longer lucky, so there is no chance. i have lost all of my luck. i have lost happiness. i have lost basically everything, and that is getting close to including my mind. or sanity more specifically. my mind was gone a long time ago. as was my memory. i am just a burnt out husk anymore. there is nothing left of me. i need to be filled again, and i do not know how to do that.

Cow Pasture Parties

now that was just a hell of a lot of fun. my head is still spinning. i haven't thrown up like that in a really long time. well, i guess about a month or so. similar night to that one, too. it could have been a much more interesting night, but there were a couple of party poopers, and certain people weren't there that i wish had been. vini vidi (what would i drank be?) _____so now i am just laying down in christy's guest bedroom, and hoping the world would stop moving around so much. i have determined that flickering light is bad when drunk and feeling really happy-like. i really do no like ceasar. christy can find a much better person than him, but unfortunantly she tends to end up with the real "winners" of the world. who knows. all i have to say is that andrea's picture that i have does not do her justice at all. almost wish i was sticking around in tulsa for another couple of weeks. not that i wouldn't get so bored out of my mind that i would probably flip out and go on a killing spree or something. although i think that could be a lot of fun. at least it is entertaining, and the pressure of the cops might help keep me up when i am driving from state to state. is it just me, or do most serial killers tend to head from east to west and/or north to south? are they for some reason attracted to the LA area or something? maybe i will go on a spree just to be different, and kill from LA to KY...now that would be interesting. think i am about to actually do something now so i should upload all this stuff sometime..

The pissed off type of rambling

what the hell is going on with my life? things start looking up, then they just all come crashing down at one time. i dont' know what the hell it is. something about last night started putting me in this mood. it has just totally carried on through today. hopefully it doesnt' include tommorrow as well. my celebrations last night just didn't mean what they should have. noone else with my had the same views. kind of annoying when you have a lot of people go out with you for a real reason for celebrating, and they are just there to either get out of town or to drink. i dont' think anyone there realized just what the night meant to me. even the ones that i thought would get it didn't. my views are just too different from everyone elses, i guess. that is why i don't believe in organized religion. people baby me, but listen to a fucking thing i say seriously. they just worry about my damn foot. my foot is fine, people. there are only a few things i cannot actually do. i dont' need you all worrying about my fucking it up more, cause if i do i am the one that has to suffer through it. like i want to be in this damn thing any more than i absolutely have to. do you think i like wearing a cast? do you think i am some kind of idiot that i don't realize that if i do stupid stuff i will have to be in it longer? did you ever think that there are reasons i still do the things you all think i shouln't be doing? i'm sick of all the sucking up, and brown nosing. i can live my own life and make my own decisions. trust me, my parents raised me well, and i can actually make decisions all by my little lonesome. the only time i can get peace is when i am asleep. but then i don't get to do that anywhere near as often as i like to. or as much. i wish i was like micheal at times, and could sleep anywhere and everywhere whenever he feels like it. must be a wonderful trait to have. i mean, it is 12:30 in the morning and i am way to pissed at the world to even think of sleeping right now. so i guess i will just listen to all my bands with the word dead in their names, and try to think over my life again. not the place i want to be doing, though. last night could've been perfect. fucking world. it is feeling like the whole world is conspiring against me. when i need to get away, i can't even drive easily. i just want to disappear for a while, and try to figure out what the hell is going on in my head, but i know it isn't possible. school will not wait for me to do that. the only reason i got to take a week off earlier is because i was on so much damned percuset. i think i really need some help or something. i can't even remember if i take my prozac anymore. as far as i can remember, i have only taken it like twice in the last week, although i am sure i have had it more often than that. for a weekend that started out good, it sure lead into a bad week. it better get in to shape soon, or i am going to go crazy. well, if i wasnt' already crazy anyways. hell, i was so pissed off tonight i actually wrote a formal letter of complaint to the school about their intramural soccer referees. as much as i love to play soccer, they pissed me off enough this semester that i will not play here again. it isnt' worth my time to have to deal with those idiots. i get enough stress just keeping up with school. that is why sports are supposed to be relaxing. am i too competitive or something? hell, i almost got ejected from the gym tonight, because the intramurals director can't take fucking criticism. maybe i should let the dean know that the refs bet on games occasionally. that could be interesting...

Alright, I'm bored...

i really don't feel like dealing with caps right now. sorry. just watched resevoir dogs and clear and present danger. resivoir dogs was really good. lewis owns it, and i just hadn't felt like watching it. it ended up being a lot better than i thought it would be. i would recommend it to anyone, especially if you like queintin terintino movies.i think lewis said it was his first movie he directed. it was made by dog eat dog productions. i thought that was a cool name for a production company. ohter than that not much has been going on. i really hate not being able to stay focused on school. it isn't a good sign. i can't afford another semester like last fall. i've actually been thinking about dropping out this semester. if it wasn't for knowing i wouldn't be able to stand coming back if i did, i would probably do it. but if i dropped out of here for a semester i don't think i would be able to get my mind back into dealing with tech. i've been spending way too much time this last week just thinking about stuff. that is what happens when people aren't online to talk to during the day while i am just sitting around. it's going to really suck not being able to talk to christy at all this weekend. i just hope she starts feeling better soon. we all miss you, christy. can't wait to see you over break. i've gota really bad headache right now. for some reason i don't think i will be getting to sleep any time soon, though. i've still got peopl eto talk to before i can sleep. i should have just said no, but i guess i am too nice. hopefully next week is better than the last week and a half for me. it has been a lot of long days since i broke my foot. if i thought i had no motivation before that, it is even worse now. i just have an excuse not to go to classes now. most of my classes are in the building fatherst from my dorm, and that is a hell of a long walk on crutches. i can barely make it to the gym without getting exhausted. my foot is still doing better. it was feeling fine most of the day, til about dinner time. i ended up having to take a pill then, but oh well. went to the hat to eat. still pretty good food, but i wasn't really in the mood for it tonight. i think tommorrow is the owl, and then the pub on sunday. then it is fairwell to my parents, and back to eating in the cafeteria. i'm wondering if my typing is keeping lewis up. he keeps shifting around up above me. i think his elbow caught the wall, cause there was a nice thump. i am really glad it is the weekend, cause school is so annoying. all i have been wanting to do half the time is sleep. i still find it interesting that i got to take one of my tesets online. that was a unique experience. i don't think that will ever happen again. the really odd part was i didn't even feel like cheating on it. it would have been so easy, but it was a history test. i usually do fine in that class, so i wasn't worried. i didn't even truely study for it. i just went over the list of topics with my mom before i took it, and didn't look up any of the stuff i didnt' happen to know. i still got all the questions answered, so i should be good. i don't think it was one of my best tests i have taken for Zeman's history classes, but i should do fine on it. i should probably get ready for bed, so i will post this now. doesn anyone actually read this stuff?

Wednesday night jibberish, with slight drug effects (maybe)

I guess today was alright. Got to skip a test, saw my councellor, and just sat around waiting for emails most of the day. I didn't get any of course, but I still sat here waiting for it. You would have thought I would learn from yesterday. I ended up not going to any of my classes today, but I don't think it will hurt me all that much. I should probably start trying to find out if I can get a ride to my Structural test on monday, or if I can get it pushed back. I'll hope for the later, but if I still have to take it I will get there somehow. It would be a lot more simple if I could drive my car to my classes, but it is my right foot that I broke. I ate dinner over at Jo, Patty, and Lisa's house, cause Mel was cooking and invited me and my mother to join them. It was the first home cooked meal I've had since I left home. Well, not including Mel bringing me leftovers earlier this semester. Pretty good food. I had four servings. I don't think I will have to eat for the next 3 weeks :) I cut myself down to two painkillers so far today. One this morning when I woke up, and one right before I went to eat dinner. I think that is pretty good. I went to watch my teams soccor game today. I thought Steph was going to show up, but she didn't. Chase made it today, but was a little late. We started the game a person down. Given no subs the whole game and the other team having quite a few, I think our 1-3 loss wasn't all that bad. We played pretty well today. Kinda sucks that we lost again, but not really a bad thing. It was a hard fought loss, and the other team wasn't rubbing it in. We made them work for it. I'm still waiting for more mail. How come noone ever sends me any? You would think that having other people here would make things a little more interesting,but it doesn't. I still want email, and people to talk to online. My life is way too dull to keep myself occupied. It's not like I am going to sit here and tweak my webpage 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Especially with this little amount of input about what I should do.

The Ramblings of the Day, February 22nd

Hmmm...I am in the process of updating pretty much everything, and getting it all to run smoothly. So far I think the page is coming along pretty well, but I haven't gotten any comment from a lot of you. I hope that doesn't mean that my picture page is right. I would like to think people will at least look at my page...So far the whold day has been pretty boring, except of course the severe pain from crutching around campus to classes. Other than that, I have pretty much been sitting right here, waiting for more email to arrive. Do I have no life, or what. Mikey is once again doing homework while sitting on my floor, and Lewis is still sitting at his computer doing who knows what. I wonder if he ever looks at my page...Not that it really matters of course. As of right now, I think Mystel has looked at it the most, and Rob has sent me the most remarks. Of course, everything in the conversations with Rob were wanting me to change his link. It was right, but I think he is in the process of moving to a new server or something. Seeing as my drugs are making me really tired today for some reason, I think I am just going to get everything posted and then head towards bed. Tommorrow is doctor visit, and not walking to classes. Should make for another really boring day, but crutches are just way too annoying. Good thing all my teachers know I am hurt and all that. I get to miss yet another Geology field trip in lab tommorrow, this one for Surficial Processes. My teacher said it wouldn't be much walking, but I'm not sure I would ever believe a Geologist when confronted with that statement. "That more than vertical cliff face isn't too steep," my ass. Sometimes I'm almost kinda happy I broke my foot, cause I needed to slow down a bit anyways. I'm finally getting stuff I've been wanting to do since I got to this god-forsaken school done. The main example of that is this website. I think my ongoing concern will be just how much text can I put on before I fill up my allocated space on the TCC server. I just hope I will have room for at least some of the pictures I want to put up. I'm thinking it might be about time to switch my email client to something that will save my mail onto my hard drive. That should free up quite a bit of my TCC account, but it will take a while to get used to it. Guess it is time to finish posting everything onto my site. Til tommorrow, and keep the flame letters coming :) and, ummm...no pun intended.

Half an hour before getting to take another...

Welcome to my page of drug induced ramblings. I am really bored right now, so I am putting together this page in addition to my journal. I'm not sure where I am going to go with it yet, but i think this will end up being just whatever happens to pop into my mind. I can put pretty much anything that I think of that I find interesting on this page, and there is nothing any of you can do about it :) Unless of course it is illegal or against school rules... It is all good, though. Right now t is really boring in my room. Mel, Mikey, Lewis and Matt are all in here. I think Matt is the only one doing homework, but Mel shoudl be studying. I think Lewis is over there recording stuff onto CD for Danny, and Mikey is reading a manual for a game he bought a year ago and hasn't bothered to play yet. I think he is waiting for an update or something. My foot is really bugging me, but I still have to wait for another half hour before I can take more drugs. So I guess this isn't really a drug induced rambling, just kind of me typing for no reason. I need to try and find counters and a guestbook type thing sometime. Hopefully I can find something soon, cause I would kind of like to know which of my friends have actually visited my site. And does anyone by chance know who went to Matt's UberSite through an Ameritech ISP in the Chicagoland area? He is kinda curious who it was, cause he tracks all the people that go to his site. Just contact me and let me know who it was if you know. Thanks. I have people trying to read this right now, so I should probably post it soon. And Mikey wants to see my site in general. I may or may not let him see it :) Carolyn is here now, trying to remember what TMJ stands for. All of a sudden I am down two sprites and a mt. dew. oh well. I guess that happens. Mel just started freaking about a test she has a week from now. That can't be a good sign. She needs to unstress. Mikey just started playing Donkey Kong Country again. Maybe he will be able to beat it tonight. I think he was on the lasty boss last night, but he kept getting killed. Of course, today he has to keep looking around my monitor. now he has won the game. About time. Well, since this is getting pretty long, I think I will quit. Oops, the boss wasn' actually dead?!? That is so not cool...He was getting ready to turn the game off, so the boss came back and killed him when he wasn't paying attention. Well, Mel is actually getting to work on her HW now. Ok, this time Mikey actually won, so I will be moving on now. I will probably be adding more tommorrow. At least I probably will. My roommate is so odd. I don't even want to know where that conversation came from. Due to who some of my readers that may look at the site, I will not elaborate on that. This time I am uploading to my page for sure... :)